Friday, May 7, 2010

Mother's Day

I wish I could say that Mother's Day was a happy holiday for me, but it is anything but that. I have made a tradition for the past 2 years of skipping church on Mother's day, because it's too painful to sit there knowing I AM a mother, but not being recognized as such because my children aren't here in my arms. The only evidence of motherhood I have is the constant ache I live with, and the very great hope to one day hold my children and tell them how much I love them when I join them in heaven.

I am debating going on Sunday. We are members of a church which is very familiar with the pain of infertility and loss of children. Do I dare do that to myself? I want the lives of my children to be validated, to have meaning and purpose, not just by me, but by others as well. Part of me wants to run away, but part of me wants to go and be surrounded by my sweet friends who know exactly what I am feeling. To link arms with them and brave this together. Could I be courageous enough to face my pain head on?

Psalm 126:5-6 "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping carrying seeds to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." I cling tight to this verse. My seeds are the many prayers for children in my arms, and goodness knows I've weeped. My hope is that my sheaves are precious little ones.

Please, let a woman who misses her children (either in heaven or not yet conceived) know that you are thinking of her and praying for her. You cannot imagine how much it will mean to her.

1 comment:

  1. I will be praying for you. I have not gone through the trials you have, but have shared similar ones with my daughter.
    I like this verse:
    "Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal." You will see those precious babies one day when all of your tears are wiped away.
    The Lord bless you and keep you.
    Come visit me at: