It's a Love Story

When I was 8 years old, my best friend invited my family to go to church with her family. It was a freezing cold January morning. There were fierce winds and freezing rain, but we decided to brave the weather and go to church... in a barn. It was the very first Sunday for Gateway Baptist to meet, and the only place available to them was in a rickety old barn. (Kinda like the beginnings of Jesus :) There were a handful of families there, most of whom I'd never met before. Among them were 2 brothers, Jeremy and Daniel. I liked them immediately. Despite being older than me by 7 and 5 years respectively, they didn't try to ignore us little kids.

Time went on and soon Jeremy and Daniel's mom came to church with them. (We weren't meeting in a barn anymore). My mom and Carol quickly became best friends and our families started spending a lot of time together. Jeremy and Daniel were like big brothers to me and my little sister, Kristen.

11 years ago, the 2 families built their homes right next door to each other. I couldn't be more excited about living so close to my "brothers." However, time marches on, and the boys were growing into men. Jeremy moved away. Daniel got a girlfriend and proposed to her. It would change mine and Daniel's relationship forever. You see, somewhere deep within me, I was jealous of his fiance'. To make matters worse, she treated me and my sister badly, and would tell us to go away when Daniel was home. He later broke up with her, but got a new girlfriend. I never would have imagined falling in love with Daniel... not with the history we had. But seeing him with her, and how happy they were together was unbearable. I had a sinking feeling every time he brought her home. I couldn't explain it.

In 2005 I graduated from high school and had my first date. It turned into a relationship which quickly went south. Daniel came over one day to say hello and I was getting ready for a date with my boyfriend. No one in my entire life had looked at me the way Daniel looked at me that day. It was strange and awkward, and completely wonderful. Not long after that, my boyfriend left me for his ministry.... a.k.a. former girlfriend. I asked God to show me what kind of man my husband was, so that I may watch for him. God gave me a list of specific attributes. The more I read them, the more this man sounded like Daniel. Sure enough, 10 days after the break up, I went on my first triple date with Daniel. We hardly said a word to one another the entire night, but it was one of the happiest nights of my life. It felt natural. When he walked me to the door that night, he said goodnight and looked at me the way he'd looked at me before. And I knew, I never wanted to be with any one else, Daniel was the man I wanted.

Daniel moved back home and we were spending more and more time together. Taking walks and sitting in the driveway between our houses until 4 am talking about nothing. One night he shyly asked me to be his girlfriend, and then if he could hold my hand. Later that week, he carved our initials into an old magnolia tree in the middle of a beautiful garden.

It wasn't long until we were talking about our future. In October of 2006, he took me on a picnic in the garden, and we stopped by the old magnolia tree. Next to our initials he had carved "Marry me?" He knelt and pulled the ring out of his pocket and simply said, "I love you, Kimberly. Will you be my wife?"

We married on April 14, 2007. My love for him grows everyday. I cannot imagine life without my Daniel.

April has been lovely.

It has been beautiful this month! The weather has been perfect for being outdoors, and we've finally gotten 2 rainy days this week. Our grass is out of control!

This year has been designated as our "outdoors" year. Last year we bought the house and did a substantial amount of remodeling inside. So, this year will be the year the outside of the house gets a much need face lift. I've been trying to keep up with the weeding. We're going to put in a large flower bed across the middle of the yard and a small rose bed in the corner by the road. We'll be planting 2 trees (one in front and one out back) an oak and a pecan. We're going to build a deck off of the back of the house, and will eventually cover it with a pergola. I hope to get the vegetable garden tilled by the end of the year also. I need to scan the "blue prints" onto my computer and post it here. However, I have misplaced my printer software, so that won't work.

Monkey had her babies today! She has 4 little cuties. The first one is a tortoise shell calico, she's the largest. Then a ginger tabby, a gray tabby, and tiny little buff tabby that looks like Monkey. I have named then Jennyanydots, Weasley, Soots, and Demi respectively. I may have already found homes for 2 of them... good news. As in love with them as I already am, I do not want more animals. Monkey started labor on my bed at 8 this morning. I promptly moved her to the box, where she stayed (thank goodness). She was in labor for about 5 hours, and did wonderfully! It's been a chore keeping Lucy at bay, she's seems really worried about the cat.

Update on my fertility: I saw a new doctor on Friday. I love her! She's spirited and fun, and also really on top of things. She's probably in her late 50s, her name is Marian Z. She's starting me on Metformin to treat the PCOS and I will also be taking Clomid to ovulate. She believes she'll have me pregnant within 6 months. I hope she's right. Which reminds me, I need to go pick up my meds now. Have a happy April!

Tight heart strings and a busy weekend.

It was a hectic week. Daniel's birthday was Thursday, so I had a family dinner that night with 11 people. I made 3 pot roasts, mashed 7 HUGE potatoes, a full bag of carrots in the roast, plus broccoli; it was all devoured. Also, 3/4 of a carrot cake... not enough left over :( We had our friend Nick over who is 6'8" and apparently a bottomless pit. The food didn't stand a chance.

Saturday we had a birthday party with all of our friends. I had the opposite problem on Saturday... we made way too much food. Actually, we made just enough and no one ate. Oh well. I'm not a party person at all, but I had a good time. I hope our guests had a good time as well. Daniel actually did all of the cooking, and I hardly did anything. My friend Erin was wonderful and was helping keep things clean and even threw the cake together while I got things set up and the burgers prepared.

Saturday would have been the second birthday of our first baby. We were busy all day, so that helped. However, we did see Daniel's ex-girlfriend and she has a 3 month old. Talk about an emotional dilemma. I like "J," but it's so hard to be around her because of the history she and Daniel have. I trust Daniel completely, I just am not comfortable around her. Anyhow. I was already trying not to cry for missing my babies when "J" comes around the corner with her sweet son. I was trying to be happy for her, and trying to enjoy "Z ." I didn't do too badly. I even held him while he fell asleep on my chest and managed not to cry. I know it will happen one day; it's the waiting that's killing me.

Ok, sorry for all that. I have to go now.

Lovely Spring

I truly love spring. It can be very bittersweet; I can't help thinking about how my first baby would be celebrating her 2nd birthday in a couple weeks. How I would love to have picnics with her and teach her about the flowers that I love so much. Our second baby would be crawling now. Would he look like me or Daniel? I look forward to the spring that I get to spend with my children... maybe next year.

This has been a lovely year so far! I got some sweet pictures of my furry children enjoying the warm weather. The cat is Monkey in our pear tree. It's blooming! Flowering trees are some of my favorite things in the world. Monkey has some news... she's expecting her first litter in April. She will be fixed after the little ones arrive. I had no intention of ever having more cats, but I'm secretly excited to have some kittens in the house for a little while.

Marley is the black and white dog. He is really enjoying the sunshine. He goes and just sits in the grass with his nose into the breeze for hours. Marley has always appreciated the simple things in life; when he was a puppy, we would take him for walks and when we came to a flower bed he would stop and smell the blossoms. My boy LOVES swimming in stock tanks. My parents have 2 large dogs and the 3 of them run, wrestle, and swim all day long then take naps in the sunshine.

Lucy is the top picture. She's developing quite a feisty personality. She really has been a good puppy. She's getting the potty training down pretty well... finally. Lu has decided that she prefers the outdoors. So, she brings little pieces of it inside to me: sticks, rocks, grass, dirt clods, and whole weeds she has pulled out of the ground. She has also learned that under the covers is a wonderful place to sleep. We let the dogs on the bed in the mornings (they do not sleep with us, or we would end up on the floor), and they sleep of the last hour of morning with us. I'm so happy to have my pets to keep me company during the day, I get so bored not being able to get a job right now. Animals are really wonderful :)

Well, I have to get some stuff ready to take to my booth. Happy spring!

Still not Pregnant

Ok, I guess I'm resigning myself to the inevitable... this is probably going to become about my infertility struggles. I started my period on Saturday, it was a lovely weekend... not. Actually, the cramping felt like contractions, and I was having severe back pain for about 5 hours. There was a point that I honestly thought I was miscarrying. It really felt like it. The good news, I was not pregnant and therefore did not have a miscarriage... yay. The not-so-good news, my period was a month overdue, and so I missed a whole month to be able to get pregnant. Thanks, body. I also found out that ovulation tests are unreliable for women with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). This explains why I've never gotten one to work.

I'm praying like crazy that March is our month. Hopefully we find out in April we have a healthy baby on the way. Gosh, I hope that's the case.

In other news, Lucy, the puppy, is still not potty trained. She will at least go on the paper I put down, and when given the option (leaving the door open) she will go outside. She's just not getting that going inside is bad. Spanking her doesn't phase her at all; she just looks at me and wags her tail. Sheesh.... Monkey and Lucy go for shots in the morning. That ought to be all sorts of exciting.

That's all for now. Have a good Monday!

My Prayer

God, give me patience to accept your perfect timing. Give me the strength to stand firm against bitterness. Please, I beg you, comfort me.

Walking Through the Valley

I in no way want this to turn into me whining. However, this is a piece of me that is so huge that I really need to talk about it. I know that I go through hard times so that I may encourage others who share my heartache, and I'm writing this now in hopes that it will bring comfort to some one.

For 2 1/2 years, my husband and I have been battling infertility. We got pregnant on birth control just 3 months after our wedding day. We were thrilled, me more than him, to have our first child on her way. The 8 week appointment went great, the baby was healthy and thriving. I was having an easy pregnancy and couldn't wait to hold my little one soon. At my 12 week appointment, my doctor searched for a heart beat, but found nothing. The sonogram showed that my baby had died 2 weeks previous. I was crushed beyond imagining. I was angry with my God for letting my child die. I have never hurt so deeply, and I do not say this lightly; I am no stranger to loss. We agreed to go back on birth control for a time. In March of 2008, 6 months after the miscarriage, I got off of the pill for good. We were so naive to believe that getting pregnant would be as easy as it was the first time around. It took 9 months before we conceived our second child. We went through Christmas joyfully, knowing our child was healthy and would celebrate the next Christmas with us. Just 2 weeks later, I began to miscarry our second child. I was losing another baby at 12 weeks in pregnancy. I had made a decision to change my attitude. My faith had been strengthened this time around, and I sad as I was, I chose not to be angry... and that has made all the difference.

It has been a year since the death of our second child. In a little over a month, we would have been celebrating the second birthday of our first born. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my children. I want to be happy for my friends with children, and I can rejoice when I hear the news of another little one on the way. However, seeing a woman in the full bloom of her pregnancy stirs up a sadness in me that would be unbearable if not for the love of my Saviour. God has placed in my life a circle of friends who know the same grief that I bear. Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake is a wonderful book written to encourage and comfort women that have and are experiencing infertility, miscarriage, and failed adoptions. Me and 4 women at our church are reading through it together. This pain I am living with is shaping me into something beautiful. God knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me, plans to give me hope and a future. He sees my desire and promises that if I will delight myself in him, he will give me the desires of my heart. I wish I had my babies here with me, but I also know that I would not appreciate them nearly as much if I had not walked through this valley. My struggle has changed me completely, and it is for that reason alone, I rejoice for the test God allowed me to go through. My heart aches for a child, but I will walk through this valley praising God for what he has for me on the other side.